The Relena-Bashing Ballad
by Baka Girl
Summary: PG for language... @@ If you like Relena, read this fic and flame me so I can laugh. There will be at least four chapters. Each chapter is based on a song that I have heard. The 3rd and 4th chapters are shounen ai, just as a warning.
1. Ode To Relena

The Ballad of Relena-Bashing (And the Fight Over Heero)  
Chapter One: Ode To Relena  
By: Baka Girl  
  
  
Heero was walking on the street one day, when Relena suddenly came out of nowheres and glomped him.  
"HEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOO!! I HAVE FOUND YOU!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO AVOID ME!"  
Heero glared at Relena and started walking home, Relena still glomped onto him.  
  
Piece of shit stalker  
I got a piece of shit stalker  
That fuckin' pile of shit  
Never gets me very far  
  
My stalker's a big piece of shit  
'Cause she drinks and is always fucking shot  
And my pager's fucking broken  
She threw it out the window  
(She's a piece of shit)  
  
I can't see why I can't get rid of her  
'Cause I try to be a bastard to her  
And she kinda smells real bad  
'Cause she's too busy stalking me to take a bath  
(She's a piece of shit)  
  
(Piece of shit stalker)  
Piece of shit stalker  
(He's got a piece of shit stalker)  
She sucks royal dick (Any but mine!)  
(That fuckin' pile of shit)  
100% crap  
(Never gets him very far)  
Oh fuck you stalker  
  
She's got no damn boyfriend, she stalks me all the time  
Whoever created that girl can lick my sweaty nut sack  
(They can bite his ass too)  
And I get no fuckin' privacy  
She'm always way out of control  
Eleven times a day I hear "HEEEEEROOOOO!"  
(You fuckin' piece of shit)  
  
(Piece of shit stalker)  
I got piece of shit stalker  
(He got a piece of shit stalker)  
She can just kiss my ass  
(That fuckin' pile of shit)  
That pile of human shit  
(Never gets him very far)  
  
Oh what the fuck did I do  
What the fuck did I do  
What the fuck did I do  
To get stuck with you  
You're too wide for me  
And you smell like the shoe  
But I'm too broke to hire security guards  
So I think I will shoot you  
  
Well the her eyes likes to flood  
The girl always fuckin' stalls  
And my clothe's got a big rip  
'Cause she likes to grip on them a lot  
(Ouch, ouch, ouch)  
Plus the she always steals my coat hangers  
I gotta use my front lawn  
(What a pain in his ass)  
And if a girlie sees my stalker  
There's no chance I'll ever get her  
(He never ever gets da pussy)  
Hey shut up  
(Piece of shit stalker)  
You piece of shit stalker  
  
(You got a piece of shit stalker)  
You piece of shit stalker  
(Piece of shit stalker)  
Bald fuckin' breath  
(You got a piece of shit stalker)  
No class at all  
(Piece of shit stalker)  
Seven different encounters a day  
(You got a piece of shit stalker)  
Fucking rag for a patch on my shirt  
(Piece of shit stalker)  
She makes the sparks fly everywhere  
(You got a piece of shit stalker)  
(Piece of shit stalker)  
(You got a piece of shit stalker)  
(Piece of shit stalker)  
Oh the whole town thinks I'm a loser  
(You got a piece of shit stalker)  
Cabby get me away from that girl!  
(Piece of shit stalker...)  
  
Finally, Heero got home, Relena still clinged onto him. He managed to walk up the stairs, and to the kitchen, where he shoved her in a fridge...  
  
To Be Continued... 


	2. Livin In The Fridge

The Ballad of Relena-Bashing (And the Fight Over Heero)  
Chapter Two: Livin in the Fridge  
By: Baka Girl  
  
  
It has been a week since Heero had shoved Relena in his fridge, and he has been too scared to open it up too see her conditions. But finally, he invited Duo over to open the dreaded fridge and see what's inside...  
Duo: *opens fridge*  
Relena: x.x *crunched up inside, shaking from cold, rest of food gone* Heeeerooo...  
Heero: O_O *shuts fridge right away*  
  
There's something weird in the fridge today  
But I know what it is  
It's not just food I can recognize  
Heero shoved her in the fridge  
I guess it's probably his stalker  
It looks like she's alive...  
  
And livin' in the fridge... livin' in the fridge  
Livin' in the fridge... livin' in the fridge  
  
There's something gross in the fridge today  
It's iced and growin' more blonde hair  
It's been there since last week  
If you like the object  
In that baggie over there  
Then mister, you're more pathetic than I  
  
It's livin' in the fridge  
You can't stop (dysentary) the girl from stalkin' (dysentary)   
Livin' in the fridge  
Can't tell why (dysentary) it's there at all (dysentary)  
Livin' in the fridge  
You can't stop (dysentary) the girl from stalkin' (dysentary)   
Livin' in the fridge  
  
Tell me, do you think she should be carbon dated  
Fumigated or creamated and buried at sea?  
You try to save a little bit of you're home cookin'  
Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin' Relena  
It always happens my stalker  
Again & again & again & again  
  
Somethin' stinks in the fridge today  
And it's been rottin' there all week  
She could have aten liver cake or wooly mammoth steak  
Well, maybe I should another peek...  
  
Relena: Brrrrrr... Heeeeerooooo...  
Heeero: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!! *slams door in her face*  
  
Livin' in the fridge  
You can't stop (dysentary) the girl from stalkin' (dysentary)   
Livin' in the fridge  
Can't tell why (dysentary) it's there at all (dysentary)  
Livin' in the fridge  
You can't stop (dysentary) the girl from stalkin' (dysentary)   
Livin' in the fridge  
Livin' in the fridge  
Don't know why it's there, Don't know why it's there  
Livin' in the fridge  
Don't know why it's there, Don't know why it's there  
Livin' in the fridge  
Don't know why it's there at all  
Livin' in the fridge, yeah  
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah  
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah  
  
Duo: Man, Heero, you got some scary shit in your fridge!  
Heero: You're telling me.. -.-  
  
To Be Continued... 


End file.
